I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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