we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
