Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
