: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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