I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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