Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
