Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
