Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
