Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
