you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
