How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
