Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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