Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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