I think my fart just growled at me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
