Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
