So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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