I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
