pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
