Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
