May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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