if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
