I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
