I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
