Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
