Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just cropdusted the office
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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