apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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