is your mom at the bar?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
