It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
