it was like eating out sand paper
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
