In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you made out with another girl for some wings
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
