If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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