so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
