plz talk dirty to me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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