Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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