Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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