Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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