so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
