How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
