I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
