is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
