9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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