before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
soo... how was my night?
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