dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
