he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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