I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
bring money and cleavage
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
