either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we should paint friendship bongs
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