I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
