so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
