Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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