Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
