I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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