last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
