I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
